Love make people irrational. Even the most rational person will become irrational when he or she is in love. When a courtship/relationship is no longer able to make the parties involved irrational, there are only two possibilities; the relationship has evolved to an extremely stable state, which is more commonplace with couples with long relationships, or simply, one or both of the parties involved do not really care, which implies that they should not be in a relationship in the first place.

Wow. What a long introduction.

I know I am definitely not the correct person to be writing this piece, I only had two (okay maybe three) serious relationships so far, I have below-average looks, I am not a millionaire, I do not own a fleet of sports cars (non-Singaporeans probably cannot imagine how important a part these “qualities” play in Singapore for getting attached). However I am currently in the mood to write something on this topic, and here I am.

Disclaimers first. People following me on twitter probably have some ideas on what is going on in my life, so I am not going to deny that this piece is partly influenced by the recent happenings.

I personally define having a relationship as having a serious one, one that I am willing to commit heavily into, one that I am willing to sacrifice heavily for. My friend H has his own theory about what a relationship is, being the popular and handsome Mr. Nice Guy he is, but I shall not go into that.

Very rare do I actually fall for someone. Of course, being a 24-year-old hot-blooded male infatuations are aplenty, and I have been blessed with the fortune of getting to know and being able to work with quite a big number of lovely ladies over the past four years in school and at work. It’s not rare that I “like” this girl or I “like that girl. There’s a big difference between simple infatuations and serious affection, as many of my peers are aware of. I am not denying that simple infatuations can lead to serious affection in the long run, just that in my case they never have.

When I know that I found someone that I really like, a sense of fear and dread falls over me, simply because I know that that someone will eventually cost a serious disruption in my life in the short run, at least in the first few months of courtship and if I do succeed, the first few months that we are together. Why is that so?

I am a irrational person. I am very passionate about things I like, and I go all out to achieve I want and love. In the negative sense, that sentence translates into “I am extremely temperamental, and I WILL get what I want, by hook or by crook”. Since I am very passionate about what I like doing, I am only able to only focus on one thing when I am very serious. The tradeoff for that is that I will be extremely focused on that very thing in my attempt to get it done. This is where serious affection is a boon to everything I do.

When I have someone I really really like, I will be so focused on the courtship that I will not have the mood/energy to focus on anything else.

It sucks because I will not be able to concentrate on my work, or do everything else I want to do. Being irrational in the first place worsens my situation when I fall for someone. I became very irrational, very temperamental.

Is that a bad thing?

It depends really. For me it is bad only because it will affect my work, but on the other hand, it also mean that I am very very serious in my wish to start a relationship with the girl involved. And that is good.

When you come across as being very serious right from the start, you give the girl a very strong signal of affection, of your wish for something committed and serious. And if the girl is not willing, it shows very quickly, making it easier for you to stop the courtship and start trying to forget the girl, thereby shortening the painful process to the minimum.

Being serious right from the start also ensures one thing, that you are willing to move fast in the courtship. You will be able to pull out all the “tricks” you have, show your extreme sincerity, all in the hope of starting the relationship as soon as possible. After all, the earlier you start the relationship, the earlier it stabilizes, the less time you spent being irrational. Being serious thus comes across being sincere, after all.

And since being serious comes across as being sincere, it is often easier to tell if your target is feeling the same way as you do by her own levels of irrationality. If she is able to go through her normal life without any signs of being even the slightest irrational in any way, it may often signal that she is not as committed or as serious about this possible relationship as you are. And that poses a big problem for the future stability of the relationship.

I am not going to propagate my own ways of handling such a situation, simply because I do not know how to. If your target of affection is not feeling irrational while you are, if she does not want to see you as much as you do, if she does not want to contact you as much as you do, you may be in for serious agony. And if this happen months into the courtship, it may signal that the relationship may not be worth having. No relationship is fun if it is unstable and promotes a high level of irrationality on the part of only one of the parties involved. And this is where being irrational sucks. If you are the only one being irrational.

Relationships can be such a pain.